† RIP : Sidney aka Sid 2012 6 19 †
Life is so fragile. Yesterday we had to put one of our cats, Sid, to sleep. Problems were noticed late Thursday when he was beginning to walk unsteadily on his back legs. As a Tom Cat, they're not the most graceful of creatures and he certainly did plod along in his boots. But when you realise how short time you have with something you love, the world doesn't stop, and the illness continues to progress no matter how much you wish it to go away.
The Vet gave him a booster of steroids, and he seemed content, happy for the next couple days. Monday morning I woke up to him hissing, growling and my Dad said he had gone to the vets with my Mum. Sid was always grumpy, and he hated to be picked up, let alone stuck in a carrier. So I never thought anything of it. The Vets were keeping him in for bloodtests, so I didn't see Sid until later that afternoon, and just seeing him for the first time that day was heart wrenching. His back legs were still functioning, but not as they should - think Bambi. We have laminate flooring, so his legs splayed out beneath him and he would stagger around. It wasn't nice seeing him like this and all I wanted to do was pick him up and hold him.
Tuesday morning, and things had seemed to get worse but Sid was proving to be huge fighter. I took him outside in hopes he'd go to the bathroom, but we lazed around in the sun - well he kept wandering around despite his legs. If he had just rested - but apparently not, cats have a lot of pride. Before my Mum arrived home from work, I went outside with him, again we lazed in the sun, he tried to go use the bathroom but it was so difficult for him to hold himself up without falling and his hind legs buckling under him. If I approached him, he would grumble - for the sake of privacy perhaps. He gave up, and I moved to pick him up and put back on the new seating area with me. He sunbathed, rolled around on his back, washed his face and even got up when my Mum arrived. He didn't walk though. Usually he runs up to meet people. She came to sit in the garden with us, watching him act how he used to act. I guess we got our hopes up too soon.
We took him back inside, set him down and his legs refused completely. He turned a little more aggressive. Grumbling at us or whoever was close, but not attacking. Just warning us. He tried to go outside again, which resulted in him dragging himself across the ground. So my Mum finally decided it was time for our last hour or so with him. My Brother and I sat with him outside (again, he loved it) and we stroked him, took some photos and a cheki of him. We all had our good bye moment, before I helped Mum put him in the carrier one last time.
Usually, when owning a pet, you never think so far ahead, and Sid was only 10 years old but we are not certain as he was a rescue cat. My Mum wanted to bring him home to bury rather than leave at the Vets. It was surreal having him back, we could stroke him and you kind of expected him to attack like he would usually, but nothing. He looked so peaceful and calm (for once) but it was so sudden and I hadn't prepared myself at all.
We finally buried him today in a spot beside Toby, our previous cat. He's beside my Sunflowers too. But I still feel very sad and detached from things. My boyfriend is worried too, he keeps asking if I am okay, which - I am. Just... I need a moment.
Well, yeah. I needed to get that off my chest. Sorry for such a depressing entry.